ACCEPTANCE FORGIVENESS GRATITUDE

"...often times those words get tangled up in lines..."

55 notes &

kaitmpayne: Sometimes I wake up panicked. The only thing I can think about are terrorists and car wrecks and burning my toast. My heart won’t slow down and I can’t even dream of facing the day. But, I have to. I have to fix these blueberry waffles and make these paper animals like I promised her I would. I have to go to work. I have to move along and just hope my brain gets with it. And I miss shooting photos and I miss being able to afford Friday IHOP. I miss working out and Netflix. I’m building up from square one. I can be whoever I want. It’s scary, but it’s exciting too. I’m terrified every single day. I’m also not bound. I have everything to live for, as long as I can convince myself to wake up. He taught me what it meant to be actually and fully loved. That’s how I knew I had to leave. I couldn’t let circumstance be my narrator anymore. And now I’m just too exhausted for any of it. I don’t want anybody, even when I really do. I’m still trying to make sense of how it is to live like this and why I have to do it. Beautifully sad.

kaitmpayne:

Sometimes I wake up panicked. The only thing I can think about are terrorists and car wrecks and burning my toast. My heart won’t slow down and I can’t even dream of facing the day. But, I have to. I have to fix these blueberry waffles and make these paper animals like I promised her I would. I have to go to work. I have to move along and just hope my brain gets with it. And I miss shooting photos and I miss being able to afford Friday IHOP. I miss working out and Netflix. I’m building up from square one. I can be whoever I want. It’s scary, but it’s exciting too. I’m terrified every single day. I’m also not bound. I have everything to live for, as long as I can convince myself to wake up.

He taught me what it meant to be actually and fully loved. That’s how I knew I had to leave. I couldn’t let circumstance be my narrator anymore. And now I’m just too exhausted for any of it. I don’t want anybody, even when I really do. I’m still trying to make sense of how it is to live like this and why I have to do it.

Beautifully sad.

  1. heather-raye reblogged this from kaitmpayne and added:
    Beautifully sad.
  2. formyownrecords said: “I couldn’t let circumstance be my narrator anymore.” I’m so glad you said that. I needed to hear it.
  3. hands-onamiracle said: you are so strong. really.
  4. jessikizzle said: Kait, I admire you.Your strength for following your own path&not just staying on the beaten track of unhappiness is inspiring.Your daughter is going to grow up to be the most amazing young woman by knowing that she can do&change things when needed.
  5. cleanteeth said: wait, I’m so glad you said this because I wake up from dreams of all those scary things. lately it’s been terrorists and im so scared of talking about it at all. it freaks me out so much and i dont want it to mean anything. im not superstitious :/
  6. kaitmpayne posted this